I Still Failed At Dating Apps

A small and inevitable update to my last post, is that I’ve failed at dating apps, yet still. This is a Valentine’s Day post because I’m a cruel mood-killer.

I did my best for a few months after that post. I genuinely really tried to meet people and go on a few dates. And it actually worked briefly! I went on a few dates with a very nice woman who I was very fond of. It’s the first dates I’ve been on since I came to Japan, and that itself is a pretty big achievement.

But it didn’t work out. She wasn’t looking for a relationship right now, and just wasn’t into me beyond friendship. Meeting up was also quite difficult when we lived too far apart for a day trip. Heartbreak, sure, but it’s the normal kind. I kind of felt happy about it in a small way, because at least it means I finally tried something that didn’t work. We didn’t even end on bad terms, just sad ones.

So, in a way, the title of this article is clickbait. I didn’t fail at dating apps. I succeeded, because I finally found someone to go on dates with, even if it was a bit brief.

I guess it’s not clickbait though because spending dozens of hours on 3+ apps and paying money for one of them should probably not result in one person interested in you. In fact, I think most people complain that dating apps produce a lot of bad dates, not that they don’t produce dates at all.

Damn, I pysched myself up then remembered the reality of it all. My identity makes it extremely hard, and the apps make it even harder.

If getting a date on a dating app is hard, what’s been harder for me is getting back on the same apps and trying it all over again. The mental energy is tough, and the lack of matches is really, really getting to me this time.

After listening to the Land of the Giants podcast miniseries on the domination of Match Group, I kind of understand my own woes. It’s not like Japanese apps can help me. Either they’re exclusively heterosexual, like the ones I’m constantly advertised to see on Youtube, or they’re designed to exclude transgender people like me.

I failed at dating apps, but also, dating apps failed at me. They fail consistently at providing a pleasant experience for gay or trans users, and fail even further at providing a space for cross-cultural dating outside of the big western countries.

What am I gonna do now? Well, it’s going to be spring soon. I’ll be going out more, and I’ll try more activities. I’ll do my best to find people worth dating, even if apps don’t work. Wait, this is what I said at the end of the last post, too. Dang it. Anyway, it’ll work out. Although if it does, I probably won’t post about it lol.

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