There’s one important thing about Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer as a conspiracy theory. One extremely important thing that people often overlook when asking the question of if the Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer theory is true.

The thing is:

Ted Cruz fucking sucks.

He’s a fucking loser and nobody likes him.

And the whole deal with his serial killer thing as a joke isn’t funny because in the end, the man himself isn’t actually angered about it. He’s even played along with the damn thing.

He’s a complete loser. Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer? More like “Please be a decent human being and have any sense of compassion for those around you.”

Let’s go back in the highlight reels:

Remember that time he shut down the government for political points?

Remember that time he showed the tiniest bit of backbone and didn’t endorse Trump? Then endorsed him anyway?

Remember that time he was one of the January 6th objectors, then backpedaled to support the police who fought against the terrorists, then re-pedaled to say his previous words were wrong?

Remember when he was in heavy support of anti-transgender bathroom bills, something even Trump was against (at the time)?

Remember when he abandoned his home state to go on vacation during an emergency?

It’s safe to say, in the end, that Ted Cruz is a fucking prick that nobody likes.

The Onion always had really good Ted Cruz articles, before that site kinda became too bland to make the kinds of cartoonishly cynical stuff it used to do (it’s still good sometimes though). This one, “BREAKING: Congressmen Walking Somewhere” is both hilarious commentary on over-obsessive journalism, and a great setup to a punchline making fun of Ted Cruz. Especially because, as the gossip goes, it’s pretty realistic.

And then there’s “Ted Cruz Provides Detailed Response To Moderator’s Question About Why His Face So Fucking Infuriating,” whose headline alone is great but so is the whole article.

To put it shortly, the Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer meme thing sucks because the subject isn’t even worthy of a meme that good. He sucks too much.

Read some of my other politics-based rants:

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